Does it drive you crazy when a toy is left out? Is speck of fluff on the floor sending you into a rage? Or are you continually feeling that either yourself or others are just ‘not good enough? If you answer yes to any of these, you have been cursed with the obsession of perfectionism. This is a sweeping craze that tends to develop its momentum in those mid-life years that will steal your happiness, poison your family and destroy your joys as whatever you aim for… It will never be quite good enough, leading to a permanent dissatisfaction with life as well as a huge source of anxiety, tension and subsequent depression. So why am I so down on this ridiculous notion that everything had to be ‘just so?’ Because life isn’t perfect that’s why! Children make mess, nature isn’t clean and tidy and by the very nature of being human, we are all flawed human beings … Perfectly normal! So when I say it’s time to drop this unrealistic charade of perfection, I’m not saying not to aim high, or to have ambition. (In fact I am the first person to say have goals and ambitions!) But your journey through life will be a darn site more pleasant if you accept your own limitations, relax a bit and go with being ‘good enough.’ Imagine… Just for a moment that you can let go of all the little stuff… Just for a day. This obsession with living, breathing and working as carbon copy waxworks really infuriates me! So what if the children make a mess whilst playing with their toys… Let them be children! The alternative is to create a zombie nation of children on screens, playing out a virtual world. The ‘end of day clear up’ is merely a learning process, we make mess, we sort it. I like the mantra ‘whatever happens, we deal with it’ which is a lot more helpful than being too scared to create ‘whatever’ in the first place. We can blame society, the media, or whoever for this phenomenon, but ultimately YOU are responsible for your own thoughts, own beliefs and own actions. Consider this, I had a client who came to see me who was being driven mad by her family constantly messing up her front room. She was at the point of wanting a divorce. It drove her crazy that in particular, she liked her fluffy rug to have its pile in the same direction and to be always free from ‘family mess’ and toys.
I asked her what it meant to her when it was all perfect, she replied that she liked it to be perfect. I asked what needed to happen for it to maintain that perfect state… She considered this as I asked her then to consider what this really meant to her. (This lady had married late in life and had 2 much longed for babies via IVF). “Then I’ll be all alone” she realised as she processed what that actually meant to her. I suggested that the ‘family mess’ was actually ‘signs of life’
The many scars on my body show my journey through life. A dent in my car tells of a story, a dog toy on my carpet shows I am blessed with a hound that I adore. The kids’ shoes in my hallway show that this is a home. We are all perfect human beings. Perfect in our own imperfections.
